QUESTION:
Carlos....man, do I have a god one for you. I have been using your Alpha Man Persuasion and conversation, for a little over a week now, and it has almost rectified a sour situation.
I live in Vina Del Mar, Chile, South America. I have lived here for about a month and a half. I have been dating this GORGEOUS 23 year old. Yes, I know red flag because she's still a little young and doesn't quite know what she wants yet. Also she has only been in one other relationship before me, for like 5 years, and it ended like 3 months ago.
Everything was going fantastic until a week ago... [We had a one night stand.] She broke down crying and said she had many problems with her heart still (in spanish of course) from the previous relationship. It was quite the bummer.
Now since then we have gone from that to slowing down, to full on dating again, yet she is still hesistant to have the type of close encounters that led up to the night that changed everything.
I don't understand this. The sexual tension is so strong some times you could cut it with a knife. I have tons of rapport, I can make her laugh always, I'm definitely an Alpha Man, and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help win her emotions over, finally and fully.
I have been talking to and dating other women, so I haven't put all my eggs in one basket with this one.
What should I do?
- Rob P., South America
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
I really like getting questions like this from around the globe, because it only points out just how consistent women are in behavior, no matter what country.
A few years back, I bought a very expensive plasma screen television.
I'm not going to advertise how much I spent, but it was more than some people pay for their cars. (I'm a movie nut, and I like a big screen for my home theater.)
Well, I did a lot of research, and then I ordered it online.
About an hour after the transaction went through, I felt this panic overtake me...
"Did I do the right thing?"
"Man... I shouldn't have done that..."
"Can I afford this?"
"I should cancel the order..."
This is commonly referred to as ''"buyer's remorse."''
One of the most common reactions a person will feel after making a big purchase is the "oh, crap... I shouldn't have done that" feeling.
After the impulse to buy has been satisfied, the emotional hole leaves all kinds of room for regret to sneak in and take you over.
The same exact feeling happens to a woman who has slept with a guy.
Even more so if she has not had much time to get to know him and really establish a firm sense of trust.
She's wondering:
"Did I do the right thing?"
"Hmmm... I shouldn't have done that..."
"Can I afford to risk my heart on him?"
"I should break it off now..."
"Am I a slut?"
And the list goes on and on...
You have to realize that a woman's primary focus is on her assurance of support if something were to "happen" after she slept with you.
Guys have a small risk compared with a woman's risk of 9 months and another mouth to feed.
Ya dig?
(And that's why your remark about "putting your eggs in one basket" is more true than you realize... :)
This girl was just in a relationship that lasted 5 YEARS, my friend.
And she's only 3 months out of it. She's going to have some intimacy issues until she's over that one.
My question for you is simply this: Why do you need to win her emotions over, "finally and fully"?
Is it because you just need to "conquer" this one girl?
Because I'm wondering if you are truly heeding the voice in your head or the voice in your other head.
You know she's young and inexperienced, and is very unlikely to want to settle down right away. You know she's very attractive and is a hot commodity. You know she's got trust issues from a relationship that is just barely over.
My thoughts?
You view HER as a prize because of her beauty, and you're not in far enough to see that this girl also has many liabilities. Maybe even more than her looks can offset.
Remember, the single most important decision a man will make is the woman he chooses as a partner. Most guys spend less time selecting a woman than they do their picks in fantasy football.
Don't be one of those guys, because you will live to regret it.
Be more cautious with her. Think in terms of disqualification rather than just doing everything you can to pull her into your life. If you do that, you'll also find the side benefit that she will probably be more likely to let you into her "heart problems."
By the way, this is the standard excuse that a woman will give you when she's really saying: "We went to fast, and now I need to slam on the brakes. But rather than make you feel rejected and risk feeling like I was a 'bad girl' for what I did, I'll point the blame at some mysterious 'heart problem.' so I can avoid feeling bad."
I'm not being malicious towards women here. I just got an email over the weekend from a model friend of mine who has the same problem with a guy in her life. Guys use this reason to push women away, too.
She doesn't really have any issues related to other guys. It's just a convenient excuse that guys will accept and not feel rejected after they hear it.
The point here is that you are probably addicted to the challenge of "conquering" this hot woman than you are of making a real relationship. Guys most often do this when they feel that they're losing something valuable. Even if that value was based solely on her appearance.
Go make a list of all the other things she adds to your life and I think you'll find that your pencil hardly moves.
Go back to looking at all the other possibilities you've got in your life right now, and let the woman with the real deal and the most desire stand up and wave her hands to be Ms. Right. Let her prove it to YOU.
And be prepared to take some time with this one. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman; she's going to need some time to regain some trust after her last relationship. Patience will be your friend.
______________________
Carlos Xuma
http://www.powersocialskills.com
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